it's a peculiar thing; one really can't (or at least don't want to) do much without motivation. most actions taken require that one sets a destination, or goal, to arrive at where he/she wants to be. regardless of the personal goal (good or bad), one tries to accomplish it with motives. this drive makes the journey there worthwhile, whether or not one arrives at the finish line. i have motives. i think everyone has had one, at one point or another.

to think though, that someone could use this as a tool to literally crush me down is unbelievable. i saw it coming, yeah. but they made it far more worse than they should have, for their own good. when i go to someone, i seek for something that only they can give me. it sounds like i am taking advantage of them, but it's not that at all. it's a silent praise; that's why i go to them without a second-guess or a back-up. i think that certain people have the qualities necessary for a given situation and setting, and i find that amusing.

... and most of the time, i return in awe at their strengths, having been helped by them in a specific way. but when they betray me and stab me in the back for their own motives, i just crash down. i can't believe some people could be that selfish. when i go to them for comfort, that is because i want comfort, not another load of problems. then, i begin to wonder whether or not it was worth my time, because all i got out of it were more problems and crap that i could have done without. so basically, i went in with a lighter load than when i came out. that's not what comfort is.

consolation is an ear: it listens, and only talks to remedy one's worries. and for those of you who did try to help, thank you. i only hope that in times of trouble, i can be of service for you, too.